Lately, my feed has been full of proud parents celebrating their children’s glowing school reports, and truly, it’s lovely to see.
Every child deserves to be recognised for their hard work, and every parent should feel proud of their child’s growth and effort.
But it also made me reflect on something a little different, something I value more, even if it doesn’t show up on paper.
I’ll never forget a moment from my own childhood.
When I was a child, someone once knocked on my mum’s door, accusing me of doing something wrong towards an elderly man on my walk home from school.
Without a pause, she responded:
“Danielle wouldn’t do that.”
No hesitation. No fluster. Just calm, quiet belief in who I was, and more importantly who I wasn’t.
Later, she asked me what had happened. And I told her
“I saw it. It was the group in front of me.”
That moment has never left me. Not because it was dramatic, but because it reminded me what it means to be known.
Now, as a parent myself, I carry that with me.
Because while I’ll always be proud of my son’s achievements, glowing reports aren’t the only thing I’m hoping for.
What I want most, more than perfect behaviour or top marks, is for my son to feel safe.
💜Safe to speak.
💜Safe to feel.
💜Safe to be his full self, especially in places where he might otherwise feel pressure to shrink or perform.
Sometimes, I secretly wonder about comments from other people,
When I hear;
“He’s always so well-behaved,”
a quiet question stirs in me:
Does he feel comfortable enough to be fully himself?
I don’t just want him to be “good.”
I want him to feel safe.
Safe to speak up.
Safe to feel deeply.
Safe to be silly, strong, sensitive — whatever the moment calls for.
Not just at home, but wherever he is.
Because “well-behaved” doesn’t always mean well, sometimes it just means contained. (This can be especially true for our ASD children who often mask)
And I want more for him than that.
Have you ever noticed that your children’s behaviour is worse at home?
Often, that’s because home feels like the safest place.
At home, our children are their most real selves.
We see it all, the joy, the mess, the moods, the moments.
And we hold space for every version of them.
So no, I’m not just looking for comments like:
“He’s always so well-behaved.”
“He never puts a foot wrong.”
What I’d love to hear are things like:
✨ “He’s able to express his anger in a healthy way.”
✨ “He knows when he needs space and takes it.”
✨ “He’s learning to name his feelings and ask for help.”
✨ “He’s kind to others, AND kind to himself.”
✨ “He stands up for what feels right to him.”
Because those words tell me he’s not just performing, he’s growing.
Not just doing what’s expected, but learning who he is , and feeling safe enough to live from that place.
So yes, school reports matter.
But so do the things we can’t always measure.
Emotional safety. Self-trust. The courage to be vulnerable.
That’s what I really want for my son.
Not just at home, but everywhere he goes.