Making the Hardest Decision of My Life
When my son was three and a half, he had a cornea transplant. It was a decision I didn’t take lightly, but I believed I was giving him the best chance for a better future.
I trusted the medical team. I held onto hope.
But nothing prepared me for what happened next.
When Routine Surgery Becomes an Emergency
His second surgery was supposed to be simple, just removing the stitches from his transplant. I waited, expecting everything to go as planned.
Then the surgeons came to me, without my son.
My heart stopped.
They told me his transplant had rejected. A risk they had described as minimal had just become my reality.
And they needed a decision from me immediately.
Making an Impossible Choice—Alone
It was during COVID. I was in the hospital by myself. No partner. No family beside me. No one to hold my hand while I faced this moment.
I called my family for support, but the truth was, none of us knew the right decision.
We asked the doctors questions. We weighed the risks. We went back and forth.
But in the end, I had to decide.
The Guilt That Comes With Parenting Hard Decisions
Between surgeries, my mind turned against me.
I tortured myself with guilt. Did I do the right thing? Did I put my child through unnecessary pain? Should I have waited?
I mentally exhausted myself with these thoughts, convincing myself that I had somehow failed my child.
The Outcome I Didn’t Dare to Hope For
Thankfully, my son had a third surgery, and this time, it worked. His transplant healed, and it was a success.
I felt an overwhelming sense of relief. But looking back, I realised something important:
The emotional toll of these decisions doesn’t just disappear, even when things turn out okay.
If You’re a Parent Facing a Medical Decision, Read This
I now understand something I wish I had known back then:
•There’s no “right” or “wrong” decision—only the best choice you can make with the information you have.
•You are not alone. Even if you feel like no one understands, there are parents who have walked this path and felt the same fear.
•The guilt is not yours to carry. You are doing what you believe is best for your child. That is enough.
How to Cope With the Weight of Medical Decisions
If you’re currently making a tough medical decision for your child, here are a few things that helped me (and I hope they help you too):
✅ Give yourself permission to not have all the answers.You’re a parent, not a fortune teller. All you can do is gather information and make the best decision you can.
✅ Lean on support—even if they can’t give you answers. Sometimes, we don’t need advice. We just need someone to say, “I hear you. This is hard. You’re doing amazing.”
✅ Release the guilt. If you find yourself in a cycle of self-blame, ask yourself: Would I ever say this to another parent in my shoes? You deserve the same kindness.
✅ Focus on what you CAN control. There’s so much uncertainty, but there are small things you can do—holding your child’s hand, speaking with doctors, seeking second opinions, that remind you of your strength.
The Most Important Thing You Can Do for Your Child
I used to think that being a good parent meant always knowing what to do.
Now I know: being a good parent means showing up with love, even when you’re scared.
Your child doesn’t need a perfect decision. They need YOU.
No matter what happens, that love will always be the best thing you can give them.
I’m forever grateful my son’s transplant was a success. But even if the outcome had been different, one thing would remain true:
I did my best.
And so are you.
Final Thoughts: You Are Not Alone
If this story resonates with you, please know that you are not alone in this journey. Whether you’re currently facing a decision, in the waiting period, or healing from past medical choices, you are stronger than you know.
If you need support, I’d love to hear from you. Let’s remind each other that we don’t have to carry these burdens alone