As Mums, we all face those moments when our children have meltdowns in public. Whether you’re a single parent or married, it happens.
Children have meltdowns for various reasons, they’re overwhelmed, tired, hungry, or dealing with sensory overload. It’s part of their emotional development, and it does not reflect your parenting.
When my son was a toddler, his PICA (a condition where children eat non-food items) was particularly severe. One of his quirks was his obsession with something he called “anono” i.e toilet paper.
I couldn’t take him into the supermarket without him diving into people’s trolleys whenever he saw they had his beloved “anono.” It was difficult to manage, and even harder as people didn’t understand.
His behaviour was often seen as odd, but this was a challenge that was unique to us.
What many didn’t understand was that this wasn’t something that I could simply “correct.” But that’s exactly why I had to stop worrying about the judgment from others - because they didn't understand.
I reached a point where I truly understood that this was part of who my son was. I stopped caring about what others thought and focused on managing the situation in the best way I could. In doing so, I learned so much about empathy, patience, and understanding.
One mindset shift that really helped me to let go of the fear of judgment was this;
Here are additional steps that will help
- Pause and Breathe Before you react, take a deep breath. It’s natural to feel stressed or embarrassed, but grounding yourself will help you respond calmly. Remind yourself: this moment is temporary, and your child needs your support.
- Focus on Your Child, Not the Crowd It’s easy to feel judged, but most people are either sympathetic or simply curious. Shift your attention away from others and onto your child. This helps you stay present and better address their needs.
- Identify the Trigger Meltdowns often have an underlying cause, such as: Sensory overload (loud noises, bright lights, crowded spaces)Hunger, fatigue, or discomfort, Frustration or unmet needs. If possible, remove or reduce the trigger to help your child feel more at ease.
- Create a Safe Space If it’s safe to do so, move to a quieter or less crowded area. This could be a nearby bench, a corner of the shop, or even outside. A change of environment can help your child regulate their emotions.
- Use a Calming Strategy Every child is different, so experiment with what works best for yours. Some ideas include:
- Speaking softly and reassuringly: “I’m here. You’re safe.”
- Offering a sensory tool: a fidget toy, headphones, or a favorite item.
- Engaging them in deep breathing: “Let’s take big dragon breaths together.”
- Stay Calm and Consistent Your child looks to you for cues on how to respond. By staying calm and consistent, you create a sense of safety, even in the midst of chaos. Avoid shouting or overly reacting, as this can escalate the situation.
- Empathise and Validate Let your child know it’s okay to feel upset. For example, you might say, “It’s okay to feel upset. Let’s figure this out together.”Validating their emotions helps them feel understood and supported.
- Plan Ahead for Future Meltdowns While meltdowns can’t always be avoided, planning ahead can make a big difference:
- Pack a “calm kit” with snacks, sensory toys, or comfort items.
- Practice coping strategies at home, like deep breathing or grounding exercises.
- Create a signal or code word your child can use to communicate when they’re overwhelmed.
- Be Kind to Yourself Remember, you’re doing your best. Public meltdowns don’t define you as a parent, they’re simply part of the journey. After the moment passes, take time to reflect, reset, and remind yourself of your strengths.
- And if you are judged remember this bold truth " I`m happy that they don`t understand these struggles, it means they haven't faced them. Their opinion holds no value and doesn't define me or my journey"
So, if you’re a mum going through a similar experience, remember this: your child’s meltdown does not reflect your ability to parent. We all have unique challenges, and those moments are just that, moments.
What matters most is compassion, understanding, and love towards your child.
Take a deep breath, remind yourself that this too shall pass, and know that you’re not alone in this journey. Together, we’re all learning, growing, and becoming stronger.