This might sound a little personal, but it’s more common than we realise, especially for young women.
There was a time in my life when I feared people would see me as shallow,
and maybe, on the surface, I was.
But not because of ego.
Because of fear.
Fear of judgment.
Fear of being seen for who I really was.
Fear of disapproval, of not being enough unless I looked perfect.
Make up, hair, outfit, always perfectly put together, that’s how I spent my teenager years up until my late twenties.
I spent years pouring my energy into my appearance
But not out of self-love, but out of self-protection.
And from the outside, it might have looked like confidence.
But inside, it felt like emptiness.
My life was structured around being “perfect,” there was never room for anything meaningful.
What I’ve come to understand, both in my past self and in those I work with, is that when fear drives our values, our lives can look full, but feel hollow.
The obsession with control, appearance, approval…
It’s not vanity. It’s often unprocessed fear, deep insecurity, and the pressure to be who we think we have to be.
Through therapy, deep self-inquiry, and personal growth, I came home to myself.
This work can be uncomfortable and sometimes even painful, but we must unpack the stories that cover up our worth.
My priorities are no longer shaped by fear.
They’re shaped by love.
They align with my heart, not with who I was afraid to be.
This is the work I now support in other Women:
The gentle unraveling of fear-based values, and the return to something more authentic, grounded, and whole. Because you’re not shallow, you’re surviving. And with safety, reflection, & support, you can start living from your heart, and when that happens life begins to feel full, not empty.
© 2025 Relight Counselling / Danielle Knall. All rights reserved. No part of this content may be copied, or reproduced without written permission.