Imagine this: you’re sitting peacefully, minding your own business, maybe reading a book or doing something that brings you joy. Suddenly, someone walks up, takes it right out of your hands, and others around you look at you disapprovingly, not the person who snatched it.
They tell you that you need to share.
Sounds absurd, right?
And yet, this is exactly what often happens to children.
I’ve noticed that when it comes to kids, especially very young ones, there’s a heavy expectation that they should share, or, more accurately, give up their toys, snacks, or space the moment another child wants it.
Without question. Without consideration. Without their own emotions being validated.
Your child could be playing happily with something they love, fully immersed in their world, and then, another child walks over and decides they want it. And suddenly, it’s your child who’s in the wrong if they don’t instantly hand it over. They’re told to be kind. To share. To not be “selfish.” Even if they’re now sitting there, upset, watching someone else enjoy what they were just using.
That’s not sharing. That’s forced giving. And there’s a difference.
True sharing involves choice, not obligation. It’s rooted in empathy, generosity, and understanding, all things that children learn best when they feel respected, not shamed.
Teaching a child to use their voice, to set a boundary, to say “I’m not done yet,” is just as valuable, if not more, than teaching them to give away their things to avoid conflict.
The irony is, adults wouldn’t tolerate being treated this way, and yet we expect children, with far fewer tools to process complex emotions, to accept it silently.
I know I probably see things differently from others, but I believe this is an important conversation. It’s okay to model kindness. But let’s not forget that children deserve the same dignity and respect we expect for ourselves. And that starts by understanding what true sharing looks like, and what it doesn’t.
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